I have had the experience of telling three advisors I\u2019m having a kid — two as a grad student and one as a postdoc. And probably because I\u2019m a bit noisy, I\u2019ve had others ask me for advice on how to tell their advisors that they’re about to become parents. Below is my suggested game plan. You may naively expect that academic workplaces are family-friendly, as I did the first time around. While the culture is moving in that direction, there is a lot of variation among institutions and fields, and frequently no written policies for graduate students and mixed ones for postdocs. You\u2019re likely going to have to make a lot up as you go, so the more legwork you do before birth, the less blind-sided you will be as you go through the process. Telling your advisor is a key step. Here\u2019s how to do it:<\/p>\n
1. Know your advisor<\/strong><\/p>\n Will your advisor be supportive? This is the most important question to figure out an answer to before you tell. Attitudes surrounding becoming a parent \u2013 and especially becoming a mother \u2013 in academia can range from quite supportive to very negative. And you can\u2019t assume from your advisor\u2019s gender, age, or parent status what his or her\u00a0attitude will be.<\/p>\n You can probably classify your advisor\u2019s attitude as:<\/p>\n How do you find out your advisor\u2019s attitudes? Ask around. If you\u2019re relatively new to the lab, ask senior grad students in your lab if they have a sense of your advisor\u2019s attitudes. You could ask other faculty if your advisor has ever had a student or postdoc with kids and how they have reacted.<\/p>\n Or, if none of these strategies work, bring up the topic with your advisor yourself.\u00a0You can do this long before you start the kid-begetting process. Here\u2019s one way: if your advisor has kids, there are likely pictures on her desk. Start a conversation about them: \u201coh, hey, how\u2019s Ashley doing? She\u2019s gotta be a junior this year. Oh, gosh, are you all starting to look at colleges? Blah, blah, blah.\u201d And then transition: \u201chey, have you ever had a student (or postdoc) who has had kids?\u201d Or, if there\u2019s a student or postdoc in the department who has kids, you can use him or her as a start-up topic of conversation: \u201cHey, I was just talking to Maria. Did you know she has a toddler? I wonder what that\u2019s like, having a kid while in grad school (or as a postdoc). Have you ever had a student (or postdoc) who has had kids?\u201d Or, if your department has a dearth of obvious parents, you can even use that as a topic starter: \u201cI noticed that there aren\u2019t any students (or postdocs) in the department with kids. Has this always been the case? Why do you think there aren\u2019t any?\u201d<\/p>\n 2. Know your rights<\/strong><\/p>\n In the United States, [1]<\/span> If you\u2019re not in the US, you probably have some sort of national and possibly regional laws governing your rights with regard to work and parenthood. You\u2019ll want to look them up.<\/span><\/span> your family status and your pregnancy status cannot be used to discriminate against you<\/a> as an employee (i.e. teaching assistant, research assistant, postdoc employee) or as a student or as a trainee.\u00a0[2]<\/span> It\u2019s far from settled law, but recent conversations I\u2019ve had with Title IX experts lead me to believe that many postdocs are legally covered under Title IX as \u201ctrainees,\u201d even if they aren\u2019t technically students.<\/span><\/span> That means that as a parent or parent-to-be, you shouldn\u2019t be losing funding, getting worse assignments, or being otherwise marginalized due to your parenthood status. It also means that if you need accommodation to do your courses and\/or research because you are pregnant, you are entitled to those accommodations as much as anyone with a disability is. Even if you don\u2019t qualify for FMLA (and you likely don\u2019t as a grad student or postdoc<\/a>), if you need time to recover from birth, you can\u2019t be kicked out of your program or fired for taking the leave you need (as established by your doctor). If you feel you\u2019re being treated unfairly, seek out the Title IX officer at your school. (There is required to be one, but many universities haven\u2019t come into compliance yet. So if you can\u2019t find one, try the ombudsman\u2019s office and see if they can help you find the right person to talk to.)<\/p>\n 3. Know your institution and\/or department\u2019s policies<\/strong><\/p>\n Your department or institution may have formal policies in place for grad student and\/or postdoc parents. Of course, they might not. Do a web search and see what you can find. [3]<\/span> Here are the written policies for parental leave for postdoc parents<\/a> at a number of top ecology universities.<\/span><\/span> Ask other grad student parents or postdoc parents if they know of any policies. Know that policies for grad students and postdocs are likely to be different, if they\u2019re written down anywhere at all. Know that if you\u2019re supported on an NSF fellowship, NSF defers to the university for parenthood policies. [4]<\/span> I\u2019m not sure how other funding agencies handle parenthood. You can always call and ask if you\u2019re funded by NIH or EPA or another agency.<\/span><\/span> Know that any policies you find on the web may not, in fact, be the true policies; make sure you get them verified by the appropriate administrative staff (for university policies) or department head (for department policies). If your university or department doesn\u2019t have any formal written policies, then your advisor and\/or department get to make up policies for you. This is why it\u2019s important to know your rights.<\/p>\n 4. Assess your situation<\/strong><\/p>\n Combine what you know about your advisor, your rights, and the policies that cover you. Do you have a supportive advisor, but few rights or written policies? You may need your advisor to advocate on your behalf. Do you have a likely hostile advisor, but protective rights and policies? You may need to rely heavily on those rights and policies. Hopefully you have a reasonably supportive advisor and reasonably clear rights and policies. Whatever the case, this is the position you\u2019re working from. Your position will affect your plan and your approach to telling your advisor.<\/p>\n UPDATE: Roxanne has a great comment below. If you’re a biological mom, your situation may also largely depend on the type of research you do. If you work in a lab or in the field, you may need to avoid toxic chemicals, certain types of physical activity, or you may be forbidden from accessing certain resources (e.g. ocean vessels). Roxanne highly recommends consulting with your institution’s Environmental Health and Safety department to determine what precautions will be necessary. You can do this confidentially before you meet with your advisor.<\/p>\n 5. Have a plan, any plan<\/strong><\/p>\n Next, you want to have a plan. The plan communicates to your advisor that you have done your homework and you have a concept of how impending parenthood is going to affect your work. For advisors who haven\u2019t advised parent scholars before, the plan helps them get comfortable with the idea and helps them understand their role in the process. What goes in a plan? This is your best guess as to what you\u2019re going to do in terms of your research and other work obligations as you progress through pregnancy (if you\u2019re a biological mother) and then at birth and the first months after birth. Here are some examples of the sorts of things you might want to include:<\/p>\n\n
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